Just some Tumblr frustrations

Well, I have been literally spending hours in making these gifs. Making gifs is not hard actually, a little bit of Photoshop and you're done. The hardest part is uploading it to the social network and trying to maintain the quality.

Unfortunately, Tumblr has this rule that all gifs uploaded must be less than 1MB. Sigh. And the gif I made was over 2MB. Now, what? I've been trying for another couple of hours trying to make do with the gif, editing the hue and saturation, image size, adding a solid layer and other what-nots, all to lessen the image size. After all that's been said and done, I still get an error prompt. Seriously? I've edited the photo and made it around 300MB and it's still not working. Big sigh.

And Barney's really cute here that's why I really wanna share it to the whole wide networld.

Barney Stinson FTW. Really, How I Met Your Mother is love. (HIMYM S08 E06, Splitsville)

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Reflections: Interpersonal Communication

This article was originally a reflection paper submitted to Sir Wini Dagli, my instructor on DEVC70 (Interpersonal Communication) CDC, UPLB. 

DEVC70 taught me things I’ll never know otherwise. It taught me to appreciate things I have always taken for granted. It made me know more about myself.

I believe that knowing oneself first is very essential to the work as a development communicator. This is because, we need to be better persons – one that can communicate the message efficiently and effectively. With IC, my belief that I was a sanguine, a personality type that would be best described as the "talker" vanished. Now knowing that I’m choleric phlegmatic, or the "doer watcher", I can now do tasks with more ease because I know how to deal with them.

IC also taught me that in order to build good relationship with others, I must be at peace with myself first. After all, how would other person be able to understand me if even I don’t understand myself?

Moreover, my relationships with other people have also gotten better. After the Repertory Grid Analysis, I’ve dealt better with those persons carrying all the constructs I hate. Not that I don’t approach them at all, but I approach them with care, trying to keep an open mind about them, and listening intently to whatever they have to say.

Lastly, I believe IC helped me in my communication in small groups. Nonverbal cues are something all of us know without actually knowing that we ‘know’ it. But with DEVC70 emphasizing those attitudes that most of us do unconsciously, I can understand people better now. After all, message sent is composed of the verbal message accompanied by the non-verbal cues that may further support or contradict it. And adding the previous knowledge I’ve also learned about myself, I can be a better facilitator in these kinds of small group discussions.

Interpersonal Communication is the heart of Development Communication... after DEVC70, I think so too. IC is very much needed, because as Freire said, dialogue is the way for people to reach conscientization and the unfolding of their potentials.

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I believe

This is an activity for DEVC70. Getting a pen and a paper, and with an open-ended statement, "I believe..." write the first 20 things that would come into mind that would finish the sentence. You would be surprised to know the things you believed in, and the priority in which order you remembered them. Here's mine!

I believe...

...in the Lord God our savior.

...that people can do whatever they want as long as they don’t harm themselves or others.

...that women are equal to men. 

...that people can free themselves from sin, if they just sincerely repent.

...that people are hypocrites when they say “sorry” but plans to do the mistake again.

...that animals should be treated properly.

...that sooner or later, our water will run dry if we don’t do something about it.

...that women are more expressive in their emotions than men.

...that flowers and plants grow better if people talk and sing while watering them .

...that a girl will seek a boyfriend at a young age if she will not get that love from her father.

...that jokes are always half-meant.

...in the power of the subconscious mind.

...that people don’t need to study basic higher Mathematics (Trigonometry, Algebra, Calculus etc.), higher Science (Zoology, Botany, Taxonomy etc.) if they won’t enter in those disciplines in the future.

...that the environment plays a big role in the moral, social, cultural and formative development of a child.

...that flirting is a two-way process.

...that not all handsome men are really men.

...that one need not buy signature clothes if they are smart and creative enough to make a treasure out of Ukay-ukay stuffs.

...that education is investment.

...that people are naturally good.

...that trust, once broken, can never be returned to its original state.

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A fail attempt at Visual Design

As part of my major (Educational Communication), we are required to take DEVC141 (Visual Design and Techniques). And apparently, I'm not that gifted with the arts. My drawing skills are on par with an elementary student, and my photoshop design skills are somehow near average.

For a bonus exercise, we are tasked to do a logo challenge. I am to create a logo for Tito Ding (a staff in Devcom), and his business of selling kropek. 

And voila! 

Behold my output as a result of a futile attempt at designing, huhu. Now that I think about it, I made Tito Ding's face (yes, I stalked him on Facebook and downloaded his photo haha) look like KFC! LOL. And look at that prawn dangling on the letter P! Credits to the owner of that google image. Haha.

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Confession of a Shopaholic 1

This is not a book review.

This is a confession. A confession of a shopaholic.

Well, I really don't know if i should be called a "shopaholic". But then, I digress, if I cannot be called as a shopaholic, then what am I? Nevertheless, let me tell you my tale.

Ever since my boyfriend and I broke up, I have some extra money left. Though it's not that much. (Back then, that money was used for our every weekend dates. lol) So now, every time I go to a mall, I always, always bring out my ATM card (I always deposit my savings :D) and pay via BPI. Haaiist. CAll it impulse buying if you may, but I just really can't stop myself from buying... especially when I read these 4 dreadful letters: S-A-L-E.

So a while ago, my mom and I went to the mall to bring her laptop to claim its warranty services. Since it'll take time, my mom decided to go home and asked me to stay behind and wait. While waiting, I roam around and found myself at the department store. Without any further ado, I just noticed myself buying a pair of sandals and a tee. -_- Not only that. I also went to the grocery store and buy all those luxury toiletries I just bought. Not to mention I also bought an earring, necklace, anklet and a ring today.

It's not too much. Isn't it? Usually, "shopaholics" spend around more than a few thousands in just a single purchase. But I just spent around P1,300. Still, that's not the point. The point here is instead of saving, I always end up saving.

And frankly speaking, I'm scared. If this is how it's going to be... then I might not achieve what I want to achieve in the future. I will just be stuck in the middle of waiting and wanting, but in reality, there's no progress and the cycle repeats until I'm old and grey: saving a little, spending too much.

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In an Attempt to Make Him Happy

Poem written on Sunday, January 23, 2011 at 8:41pm

If I remember it correctly, my ex-boyfriend needs to pass 5 poems about certain topics. And on our conversation, he happened to have asked for my help. Being the willing victim girlfriend that wants to make her boyfriend happy, I obliged and wrote a poem about the topic "nature".

But to make the long story short, in the end, he did not use this. And thus, the irony is not lost on me: what a befitting title.

Forgotten and Forsaken

I have been walking endlessly

In this land full of misery

I hadn’t known the Earth would be

This lonely without any glee

I forced my eyes to see

What beauty has forsaken me

Rivers that are brown

Made my head go with a frown

Trees are cut mercilessly

By the machines effortlessly

I hear them crying saying no more

But the people just continued just like before

The love of Mother Earth has turned blue

Her sadness is felt without any clue

 Is this her revenge for everything we’ve done?

I wish time would return to do things undone

The hotness is felt by everyone in this place

The ice is melting leaving no trace

This indeed is global warming

That happened without any warning

Of course we deserved this

Since we’re occupied with our own bliss

Being very happy, you and me

Forsaking nature by means of technology

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LSS Song: Payphone

And I'll always love this song cover.
Payphone by Tiffany Alvord. ♥

Her voice is soooo angelic, and this cover (for me, anyways) is the best!
Even better than the original. 

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't likeMaroon5. Hell, I love them! But this song has just been too mainstream for them. I mean, hey, what happened to that classic vibes Maroon5 gives me whenever I hear "Won't Go Home Without You" and "She Will Be Loved"? It's loooooost.

So anyways, yeah. talk about LSS. It has been in my top charts for 4 weeks already. ;)

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Self-representation: Personal Logo

My very own personal logo.

This output is for my DEVC141 class - a personal logo. I really hoped I have portrayed myself well via this illustration. 

I used a lipstick, a kissmark, and a heart at the end of my name. I wonder what people thinks about it? Haha. I wanted to show I'm a bit girly, kikay and quirky at times. Haha.

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Reflections: Development Communication as a field of study

This article is originally a reflection paper submitted to one of my courses, DEVC70. I posted it here because I think it roughly provides an overview of what my course is and especially and what I think about it.

            When I first entered the college, I have no idea what course I am taking. I thought it was something similar to Communication Arts, Mass Communication and BS English to some extent. Indeed, I wrote this course in my choices because it has ‘communication’ in it. So you can really imagine my surprise when our first lesson way back in DevC10 was poverty.  I have no idea why we’re talking about poverty, why we’re talking about malnutrition, the poor poorer and the rich richer, why we’re talking about development. That’s when it hit me: ‘development’. I thought Development Communication was about improving communication tools, media or something like that. But I realized I’m extremely wrong.

            Development Communication, as a discourse, is not focused about communication. It is mainly about development... the development of the nation and the people in it. How are you going to communicate to the people to improve their lives? To unleash their individual potential in order for them to grow and develop without needing any help anymore? Indeed, it is the use of communication in development.

            Communication in development... communication for development. What’s the difference? I believe that DevCom nowadays is more on the first: communication in development. Maybe back then, back in the 1970s, when DevCom was first introduced, communication is just a tool for development - an external factor that is used for the society’s upliftment, that aside from communication there are many other ways for development. But now, I believe that DevCom evolved, one way or the other. It does not only use communication as an external factor, but communication is in development. It is now something internal, something necessary for people to develop. It is rooted deep in there; that without proper communication, whatever means people would use, development will be inefficient and ineffective.

            After rethinking everything, one would question: isn’t the main purpose of the discourse too ideal? Too noble? Too good to be true? Well, at some point, yes, it may be. It may be too ideal and not all of those ideals are feasible in reality. But then again, if we ourselves are to lose hope on us, who would bother go out of their comfortable lives and help us? We just need to have a positive approach on things. We can make the objectives of the study of Development Communication come true little by little. Maybe this is also Dr. Quebral’s realization when she changed the definition of the discourse from a ‘speedy transformation’ to a ‘planned transformation’: development need not be rushed, it just needs to have a specific time frame as a goal or a guide. We can take improving ourselves in our time, at our own pace. And if each and every one of us will use, apply and spread the values DevCom is sharing, then maybe, the Filipinos of this generation can experience being a citizen of a first-world country. We were once there during Marcos’ regime. Of course, we can do it again... with people participation, the right attitude and the right mindset. 

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TypARTgraphy

While the ever famous typography is artistic arrangement of different typefaces, font sizes, length and spacing, typARTgraphy is a play on the words typography and art. Basically it is the use of different typefaces, letters, colors etc., to create a visual art.

My DEVC141 teacher challenged us to do just this. So here's what I came up with:

This is a whale. Well, at least I intend it to be.

I used the lower case of the letter "L" as the body of the whale. Small "V"s for the fin and for the water coming out. The water sprays and the tail is composed of the letter "3". The eye and the mouth are done using the characters, ) and ^ respectively. 

But, then again, with my visualization skills and designing techniques, it may not do justice to typARTgraphy. So here are some of the better examples I found on Google. Click the photo to view the original website. This artist is indeed talented... *sobs.*

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Of Privacy and Misunderstandings

I should have been doing something more important than writing this blog entry. I should have been doing my 10-page narrative script due tomorrow.

But I couldn't help it. I know I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I forced myself to go acads mode.

This is mainly the reason why nowadays I prefer a personal diary. A personal diary would never, ever betray you. Plus, it isn't prone to misunderstandings. It's really sad that all the things you put online, though you think no one will read it anyway so it's fine, can be used against you.Seriously. Enough.

I hate the feeling that I cannot convey my feelings well.
I hate the feeling that I cannot get my points through.
I hate the feeling that I am not effective as a communicator, let alone practice Development Communication if this simple expression of feelings, someone out there is offended.

I mean not to offend so I'm saddened that someone is.
I mean not to hurt so I'm saddened that someone is.

Also, I mean no harm, I just want to express my innermost thoughts and feelings so I am saddened that someone actually thinks I'm some obnoxious crazed ex who does nothing but to create social networking accounts so that I can freely rant on the internet.


IT'S JUST SO SAD THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY THINKS OF ME THAT WAY.
But then again, why should I be affected? In the first place, that someone is in no place to judge me, or create assumptions of why I'm doing things. That someone doesn't know me.

IT'S JUST SO SAD THAT ALL THE RESPECTS I GAVE TO THAT SOMEONE ISN'T WORTH IT. I respect that someone enough not to rant about her, yet she still says I do. I respect that someone enough to keep a low profile and not openly criticize her in the net or anywhere. I just keep it to myself. And there she goes, tipping me off by posting "pathetic, if you ask me" as a description about my blog. O_O

SHE ALREADY SAID SORRY ABOUT THAT. BUT I AM JUST SAD. REALLY, REALLY SAD. Masyado mo kasing pinapalabas na napakasama kong tao. Na napaka immature ko. Na ako pa yung ayaw tumigil. For goodness sake! Wala akong ginagawang masama sayo. HINDI KO ALAM KUNG ANO YUNG MGA SINASABI MONG RANTS TUNGKOL SAYO.


Thinking now, AND I DID RANT ABOUT HER. TSK. But I swear, this is the first time. Dunno what she's talking about. Plus, I'm so bait when I posted a note to her ans she's like so galit nung nagreply. WTH? What am I doing to you?!

Sorry friends. just had to let it out. O_O
Malayo yung diary ko para magsulat. :P

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An Open Letter to You. Yes You.

I rant.

Coz it's the only thing I can do.

I'm blue.

'Coz he left me for you.

Dear girl,

I think it's about time to address you. And I think it's about time that you know my side of the story.

Do you know what he said to me when he broke up with me? He said he's in love with somebody else. I was quite shocked, because I thought everything was fine between the two of us. In every way, I am clueless. Clueless that he fell out of love during the latter course of our relationship.

Empathize with me darling. Put yourself in my shoes. You love your boyfriend very, very much. And that didn't fade as the time passes by. In fact, the love you felt for him is exactly as strong as how you felt at the beginning, even growing stronger as each months pass by. The sparks didn't fade, that's why you're very much excited to go home every week to see him.
Then all of a sudden, you'll hear him say, "I love somebody else." Ever thought of how, exactly how much, did that hurt? I have no inkling whatsoever that he loses interest in me, in us. And when I asked him how long has he had an interest on you, he said 10 months. Dear, understand. Won't you be shocked if you knew that almost half of your relationship, was well, practically a lie?

Also, hear me out. He has had 10 months to get over me already, while I have only what? The day from November 20 up to now. And eversince Nov. 20, he has been very vocal and sweet about the love he felt for you which was actually his personality. I don't blame him or you for that. It's not your fault that you fell in love with each other. But, just imagine how would that make me feel. And imagine, that for the first few weeks of our break-up, I have been imagining on how he became so in love with you while still in a relationship with me. Of how he unconsciously flirts with you at school, and you smiling back at him. Or how both of you felt when chatting with each other while playing SIMS. I'm a writer. I'm a dreamer. Most of all, I'm a hopeless romantic. That is why I can very much imagine with such vividness. Try to think of yourself imagining the one you love the most having a nice, sweet time with another girl WHILE YOU ARE OUT THERE IN SOME PART OF THE UNIVERSE THINKING ABOUT HIM.

Let me quote you, "It's sad when people judge me, especially when they only knew me from my blogs and other social networking sites." I haven't said anything against you, or even posted anything that may demean your personality here, or even on blogger. Frankly, I have nothing against you. So it's really sad that you used the word "pathetic" to describe my blog entries. Forgive me for writing a blog full of hurt, anger, resentment and bitterness. Back then, it was the only outlet for my very vicious thoughts. If not for that 'pathetic' blog, I may have gone crazy now.

I'm not telling you this for you to laugh at how miserable I had become. I'm coping. I'm telling you this so you can understand what great impact it has caused me. The thing is, just because he broke up with me, doesn't mean it's over for me. I still had to get over the idea that the guy I love is already in love with someone else who's actually in love with him in return.

And words are failing me. No paragraph long enough can suffice for me to let you understand. You probably wouldn't, but at least I tried to let you know. It's about time.

Just a simple note ♥

I already posted this on Tumblr. But, what sense is there if an open letter to that person isn't actually read by that person? And yeah, I do think that the 'pathetic' blog you're talking about is this blog. Do not judge easily, dearest. This blog has been inactive since December 5. That's 2 weeks after the break-up. One cannot really blame me for ranting back then because the memory isn't just a simple memory, but a cruel reality that just recently happened.

As for the thing that how 'perfect' our relationship is, get this. Some poems are written while we're still together, I was still idealistic and love-blinded that I think it's perfect. C'mon. Every girl thinking they found the right one would think that. 

And another disclaimer, poems are literature works. A variety of meanings can be extracted and a lot of interpretations can be inferred from a very single poem. I have never said a word about claiming that "both of you are delusional to find each other in this crucial world " But, if that's how you interpret it, that's not on me anymore.

NYAHA!

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A New Year’s Resolution

But... seriously? Haven’t all of us created a resolution but eventually failed in following so? Typical. Ningas Kugon.

So this year, I did not bother to create a long list of what I should do this year. But if what I’ve done is a “New Year’s Resolution” then so be it. I just committed myself to actually live by these.

This year, and hopefully, it will be carried on to the succeeding years (if the world will not end by Dec. 21 2012), I decided to have a positive outlook in life and lessen the drama. Though I know that by doing so, I actually lose myself. My identity. My personality. When you ask my friends, they all will say that I’m that “hyperactive, crazy person who has a lot of drama in her life”.  To make their description worse, “her life is actually not that dramatic.”

What can I do? I need an outlet. I need a place where I can release all the negative emotions pent up in my head so as not to be a true weirdo. And school is that place. I’m a crybaby at school. For whatever reasons, I cry. And until now, I’m thankful for my friends that are there for me, comforting me all the way through. Though, they are blunt enough to tell me how stupid crying over some trivial matter is.

It isn’t the same case back home. There, I need to be strong. I need to take in everything, and accept everything however negative that may be so that I can help my mom lessen her worries. Being the eldest child, I somehow have this innate personality to be responsible enough not to be an additional burden to my parents.

But then again, it’s hard. It’s hard to live with the pessimism. I know my mom and dad did not want me to be like this. I, too, don’t wanna live like this. It’s hard. But I cannot simply revert back. It’s not that simple. If it is, I should’ve saved myself several years of dealing with my personality.

So I thought about a way to help myself... and perhaps save me from this misery I’m going through. Maybe you’ll be asking, “why only now? Why have you decided to make a change only now?”

Well, the only reason I can think of is that I can’t bear it all anymore now. Back then, it was tolerable. Pessimism and the negativity is actually being a way for me to strive harder. The pressures that are on me served as motivations that I could still do better. That I have more that I can give. I can live up with academic pressures... the pressures related to the Supreme Student Government when I was still president... the pressures at home... I can bear with them all. Maybe because I know I am confident enough in myself that I can do it.

But now? No. the pressure is not healthy for me anymore. It’s eating me up alive. I lost my happy-go-lucky self. Yes, I am still laughing but I can feel they are just empty laughs. Self-pity, self-consciousness, weariness are beating the hell out of me. I’ve never felt this inferior before to anyone. Never. Now, my confidence about myself has been lost. I still believe in my skills, they are proven to be effective. But to me as a whole?

That’s the main reason why I need to have a positive outlook in life. So that I’ll skip away from my suicidal tendencies. The world is harsh, I know. But if I see it as bad as it is, well, I don’t know what’ll happen to me. I’ll be drowning in a sea of angsts, guilt, wallow and pity. I need to see the happiness of life. In order to do that, I must see to it that I find happiness in what I have.

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