Desiderata: The ABC of Happiness

Desiderata, is a prose poem written by Max Ehrmann in 1927. Some people call it the Desiderata of Happiness. Well, true enough, his words are to live by. 

I've known Desiderata during one of our English classes in high school. My teacher instructed us to memorize the poem for a graded recitation. Years later, I still remember some lines, because these words are to live by. Whenever I feel down, vexed, jealous, disappointed or angry, Desiderata never fails to calm me down.

And this is my favorite line.
Because I always feel envious of people and start that so called game of lack with them.

Or this. Whenever I feel that urge to be at the center of attention and please people.

Or wait. This can be it. Whenever I feel down and disappointed with myself. Doubting my competencies and actually asking the reason for my existence.

Or actually, this. To remind myself that the world is a nice world to live in and that happiness is a choice.

Well, actually... it's all of it. It really is the ABC of happiness. 

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Dreams, 1

It’s funny how everything in your dream seems to be logical while you’re dreaming it. However, once you’re awake, the dream seems to be nonsensical – not to mention the fact how the scenes change very abruptly and you think it was natural. "Dreams" is a series of posts about, of course, my dreams.

June 13, 2013 4:40 AM

I dreamt I was reading manga from my favorite manga site. After some time of reading, I realized I haven’t slept for two days straight! Still, I was up and about, full of energy and ready to read more.

Scene changes to a third person POV while I was watching my sister haggle for slots in the UPLB Systemone (she’s currently a Sophomore student in FEU-Makati.)

Scene changes to a dance stage. A dancer was missing from the stage. The person asked for a volunteer, and I stood up. We played the swing. I have two partners though, my ex-boyfriend and my friend.

Scene changes to an elevator lift of a building. I was escorting my grandfather in a wheelchair to the hospital in the building. Although I don’t know which floor. I have a hunch it’s around the lower floors – indeed it was on floors 1-3, however, when I asked the two men beside me, he said it’s the 25^th floor. So we went up, only to find out we were deceived. The atmosphere changed and suddenly, we were in the middle of some mysterious, murder movie.

What a weird dream indeed.

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Just some Tumblr frustrations

Well, I have been literally spending hours in making these gifs. Making gifs is not hard actually, a little bit of Photoshop and you're done. The hardest part is uploading it to the social network and trying to maintain the quality.

Unfortunately, Tumblr has this rule that all gifs uploaded must be less than 1MB. Sigh. And the gif I made was over 2MB. Now, what? I've been trying for another couple of hours trying to make do with the gif, editing the hue and saturation, image size, adding a solid layer and other what-nots, all to lessen the image size. After all that's been said and done, I still get an error prompt. Seriously? I've edited the photo and made it around 300MB and it's still not working. Big sigh.

And Barney's really cute here that's why I really wanna share it to the whole wide networld.

Barney Stinson FTW. Really, How I Met Your Mother is love. (HIMYM S08 E06, Splitsville)

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Confession of a Shopaholic 1

This is not a book review.

This is a confession. A confession of a shopaholic.

Well, I really don't know if i should be called a "shopaholic". But then, I digress, if I cannot be called as a shopaholic, then what am I? Nevertheless, let me tell you my tale.

Ever since my boyfriend and I broke up, I have some extra money left. Though it's not that much. (Back then, that money was used for our every weekend dates. lol) So now, every time I go to a mall, I always, always bring out my ATM card (I always deposit my savings :D) and pay via BPI. Haaiist. CAll it impulse buying if you may, but I just really can't stop myself from buying... especially when I read these 4 dreadful letters: S-A-L-E.

So a while ago, my mom and I went to the mall to bring her laptop to claim its warranty services. Since it'll take time, my mom decided to go home and asked me to stay behind and wait. While waiting, I roam around and found myself at the department store. Without any further ado, I just noticed myself buying a pair of sandals and a tee. -_- Not only that. I also went to the grocery store and buy all those luxury toiletries I just bought. Not to mention I also bought an earring, necklace, anklet and a ring today.

It's not too much. Isn't it? Usually, "shopaholics" spend around more than a few thousands in just a single purchase. But I just spent around P1,300. Still, that's not the point. The point here is instead of saving, I always end up saving.

And frankly speaking, I'm scared. If this is how it's going to be... then I might not achieve what I want to achieve in the future. I will just be stuck in the middle of waiting and wanting, but in reality, there's no progress and the cycle repeats until I'm old and grey: saving a little, spending too much.

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Self-representation: Personal Logo

My very own personal logo.

This output is for my DEVC141 class - a personal logo. I really hoped I have portrayed myself well via this illustration. 

I used a lipstick, a kissmark, and a heart at the end of my name. I wonder what people thinks about it? Haha. I wanted to show I'm a bit girly, kikay and quirky at times. Haha.

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Of Privacy and Misunderstandings

I should have been doing something more important than writing this blog entry. I should have been doing my 10-page narrative script due tomorrow.

But I couldn't help it. I know I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I forced myself to go acads mode.

This is mainly the reason why nowadays I prefer a personal diary. A personal diary would never, ever betray you. Plus, it isn't prone to misunderstandings. It's really sad that all the things you put online, though you think no one will read it anyway so it's fine, can be used against you.Seriously. Enough.

I hate the feeling that I cannot convey my feelings well.
I hate the feeling that I cannot get my points through.
I hate the feeling that I am not effective as a communicator, let alone practice Development Communication if this simple expression of feelings, someone out there is offended.

I mean not to offend so I'm saddened that someone is.
I mean not to hurt so I'm saddened that someone is.

Also, I mean no harm, I just want to express my innermost thoughts and feelings so I am saddened that someone actually thinks I'm some obnoxious crazed ex who does nothing but to create social networking accounts so that I can freely rant on the internet.


IT'S JUST SO SAD THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY THINKS OF ME THAT WAY.
But then again, why should I be affected? In the first place, that someone is in no place to judge me, or create assumptions of why I'm doing things. That someone doesn't know me.

IT'S JUST SO SAD THAT ALL THE RESPECTS I GAVE TO THAT SOMEONE ISN'T WORTH IT. I respect that someone enough not to rant about her, yet she still says I do. I respect that someone enough to keep a low profile and not openly criticize her in the net or anywhere. I just keep it to myself. And there she goes, tipping me off by posting "pathetic, if you ask me" as a description about my blog. O_O

SHE ALREADY SAID SORRY ABOUT THAT. BUT I AM JUST SAD. REALLY, REALLY SAD. Masyado mo kasing pinapalabas na napakasama kong tao. Na napaka immature ko. Na ako pa yung ayaw tumigil. For goodness sake! Wala akong ginagawang masama sayo. HINDI KO ALAM KUNG ANO YUNG MGA SINASABI MONG RANTS TUNGKOL SAYO.


Thinking now, AND I DID RANT ABOUT HER. TSK. But I swear, this is the first time. Dunno what she's talking about. Plus, I'm so bait when I posted a note to her ans she's like so galit nung nagreply. WTH? What am I doing to you?!

Sorry friends. just had to let it out. O_O
Malayo yung diary ko para magsulat. :P

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An Open Letter to You. Yes You.

I rant.

Coz it's the only thing I can do.

I'm blue.

'Coz he left me for you.

Dear girl,

I think it's about time to address you. And I think it's about time that you know my side of the story.

Do you know what he said to me when he broke up with me? He said he's in love with somebody else. I was quite shocked, because I thought everything was fine between the two of us. In every way, I am clueless. Clueless that he fell out of love during the latter course of our relationship.

Empathize with me darling. Put yourself in my shoes. You love your boyfriend very, very much. And that didn't fade as the time passes by. In fact, the love you felt for him is exactly as strong as how you felt at the beginning, even growing stronger as each months pass by. The sparks didn't fade, that's why you're very much excited to go home every week to see him.
Then all of a sudden, you'll hear him say, "I love somebody else." Ever thought of how, exactly how much, did that hurt? I have no inkling whatsoever that he loses interest in me, in us. And when I asked him how long has he had an interest on you, he said 10 months. Dear, understand. Won't you be shocked if you knew that almost half of your relationship, was well, practically a lie?

Also, hear me out. He has had 10 months to get over me already, while I have only what? The day from November 20 up to now. And eversince Nov. 20, he has been very vocal and sweet about the love he felt for you which was actually his personality. I don't blame him or you for that. It's not your fault that you fell in love with each other. But, just imagine how would that make me feel. And imagine, that for the first few weeks of our break-up, I have been imagining on how he became so in love with you while still in a relationship with me. Of how he unconsciously flirts with you at school, and you smiling back at him. Or how both of you felt when chatting with each other while playing SIMS. I'm a writer. I'm a dreamer. Most of all, I'm a hopeless romantic. That is why I can very much imagine with such vividness. Try to think of yourself imagining the one you love the most having a nice, sweet time with another girl WHILE YOU ARE OUT THERE IN SOME PART OF THE UNIVERSE THINKING ABOUT HIM.

Let me quote you, "It's sad when people judge me, especially when they only knew me from my blogs and other social networking sites." I haven't said anything against you, or even posted anything that may demean your personality here, or even on blogger. Frankly, I have nothing against you. So it's really sad that you used the word "pathetic" to describe my blog entries. Forgive me for writing a blog full of hurt, anger, resentment and bitterness. Back then, it was the only outlet for my very vicious thoughts. If not for that 'pathetic' blog, I may have gone crazy now.

I'm not telling you this for you to laugh at how miserable I had become. I'm coping. I'm telling you this so you can understand what great impact it has caused me. The thing is, just because he broke up with me, doesn't mean it's over for me. I still had to get over the idea that the guy I love is already in love with someone else who's actually in love with him in return.

And words are failing me. No paragraph long enough can suffice for me to let you understand. You probably wouldn't, but at least I tried to let you know. It's about time.

Just a simple note ♥

I already posted this on Tumblr. But, what sense is there if an open letter to that person isn't actually read by that person? And yeah, I do think that the 'pathetic' blog you're talking about is this blog. Do not judge easily, dearest. This blog has been inactive since December 5. That's 2 weeks after the break-up. One cannot really blame me for ranting back then because the memory isn't just a simple memory, but a cruel reality that just recently happened.

As for the thing that how 'perfect' our relationship is, get this. Some poems are written while we're still together, I was still idealistic and love-blinded that I think it's perfect. C'mon. Every girl thinking they found the right one would think that. 

And another disclaimer, poems are literature works. A variety of meanings can be extracted and a lot of interpretations can be inferred from a very single poem. I have never said a word about claiming that "both of you are delusional to find each other in this crucial world " But, if that's how you interpret it, that's not on me anymore.

NYAHA!

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